An opening night blog - A Human Story

Another opening. I’m not exactly an “old” hand at directing shows yet but I feel slightly less fear at this opening than I did the one before it. It could be the exhaustion that I’ve been battling for weeks, not only because of the show but because of the other things I have pulling on me right now. It could be maturity and the knowledge that I’ve done absolutely everything I could as a director and the right thing to do is turn this show over to the actors and give them the freedom they deserve to run with it. It could be my ever constant battle to fight against my nature to achieve perfection. I actually have to spend energy telling myself that things don’t have to be perfect. That my best is good enough for everyone else, it ought to be good enough for me. Whatever “it” is the end result is this: I’m not afraid.

Letting go of that is hard. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in my life carefully crafting scenarios and working HARD to get things just so. I never wanted to feel like my efforts just weren’t good enough. Good enough for whom I cannot say. I don’t suffer from a lack of encouragement from those around me. I don’t have issues with self-esteem or confidence. I just worry about being “not good enough”. Like a litany repeating in my head when things are not just right: “not good enough, not good enough, not good enough.”

This is, of course, rather contradictory of my creative process. In which I try to create an atmosphere where something grows out of something else. The best metaphor I can use is one of a plant. To successfully grow a plant there are a few things you need to do: plant the seed, ensure that it has water, sunlight and nutrition. Beyond that, you cannot always control what the plant will do. How will the branches grow? Where will the flowers boom? You can only give the plant the required tools it needs to grow, not dictate the exact pattern of growth.

Directing is kind of like that. I cannot tell every actor what to feel, how to move, what to think. I can only plant seeds of ideas in their heads and nurture it. The growth of the actor is for them alone. So there is a lot I cannot control in my production. Decisions that actor’s make on how they look, what they emphasize where they take the emotion of the scene. And I’m okay with that. Because out of that the most beautiful, poignant moments grow.

That has been my experience with Jesus Christ Superstar. So many beautiful moments have grown out of what we have rehearsed. So many pictures have been created on stage that are burned into my head. This show has grown into a story. About people and the struggles they face without knowing the long reaching results of their lives. Some of them feel insignificant. Some of them feel profound. You will be able to see that in the actors in this show. Some have to make hard decisions, like us in real life. Some of them have things thrust upon them that they have to do something with, like it or not. Some are just along for the ride and when the moment, the event, passes they quietly move on in their lives.

Above all else this show is one of my favorite genres of stories. I call it a human story. One that looks at how people live their lives. One that makes us think about how we live our lives.  I’m very happy to bring you this story. I’m very excited to share these moments with an audience.

Blasphemy?

If you are following us and you read the newspaper article you know that our production of Jesus Christ Superstar is modern times. I decided to do this for a couple different reasons. First because I am very aware that this show was done in the Magic Valley in the summer of 1998 as I worked backstage for that wonderful production. It is very important to me as an artist that I do not imitate another director’s work. That I make my work distinct and different than other directors.  I also work very hard to be inspired by a project I'm working on from my own feelings and experiences avoiding watching other variations of the production. I decided very early on that I could not, would not, do the play in a Judeo-Christian setting. Partly because it's been done that way a great many times.

 Mostly because I feel like the true beauty in this story (the one in the bible and the interpretive dialogue in this musical) is the universal truths about human beings. Jesus, whether a deity or not, (I'm not preaching or indicating my own feelings about him), was a charismatic leader who preached love, forgiveness, loving God and loving one another. His ideas were radical at the time. His methods were very much against the tradition not only of the Jews but also the Romans who occupied Jerusalem at the time, who were mostly pagan at the time of Christ.

Fast forward to Martin Luther King Jr. in America 1960's. His message was one of equality and love and tolerance. Forgiveness and acceptance. A greater human race that is above killing, hating and hierarchy. He was killed. Not by the government, but martyred for his beliefs none the less.

Harvey Milk in America 1970’s. A forerunner in equal rights for the LGBT community. He talked about love, acceptance, tolerance and equality. He was also killed not only because he was gay, but also because he felt like he, and others like him, deserved to be treated equally.

These are just two examples with parallels to the story of Jesus. In the 2,015 years the message of humans loving others more than themselves, despite the differences between them, has not spread far enough to be a proponent of peace among our species. Men like Martin Luther King Jr. And Harvey Milk died for what they believed in. They paved the way for change that we have seen unfold in our lifetime. We HAVE made progress. We ARE getting better…but we are not there yet.

Am I an instrument of change? Am I an activist trying to change the world? I am not. I am just a woman. Living in America with a dream. A dream of a world for my children and grandchildren where equality is not a fight, but a gift, given because we are all human. Where race, nationality, gender, beliefs aren’t a measure for a person’s worth. I like to whimsically Imagine with John Lennon.

Jesus Christ Superstar is my opportunity to share this message with the community I live in, and love dearly. If this message disgusts you. If you are closed to this idea. If you feel that what I am doing with this show is disrespectful or blasphemous I can do nothing about that.

I send this message out with a final thought. Mahatma Gandhi said: “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” The change I want to see is love, forgiveness, acceptance and tolerance.  If that means I stop honking my horn at the parents who don’t wait their turn at the 4 way stop and that’s the greatest thing I can do so be it. If that means I show my children the value in learning more about a person before deciding what kind of person they REALLY are than I will do it. I challenge anyone who reads this to do the same. Approach others with these four words: Love, Forgiveness, Tolerance, and Acceptance and I will try to do the same.  Thank you.