An opening night blog - A Human Story

Another opening. I’m not exactly an “old” hand at directing shows yet but I feel slightly less fear at this opening than I did the one before it. It could be the exhaustion that I’ve been battling for weeks, not only because of the show but because of the other things I have pulling on me right now. It could be maturity and the knowledge that I’ve done absolutely everything I could as a director and the right thing to do is turn this show over to the actors and give them the freedom they deserve to run with it. It could be my ever constant battle to fight against my nature to achieve perfection. I actually have to spend energy telling myself that things don’t have to be perfect. That my best is good enough for everyone else, it ought to be good enough for me. Whatever “it” is the end result is this: I’m not afraid.

Letting go of that is hard. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in my life carefully crafting scenarios and working HARD to get things just so. I never wanted to feel like my efforts just weren’t good enough. Good enough for whom I cannot say. I don’t suffer from a lack of encouragement from those around me. I don’t have issues with self-esteem or confidence. I just worry about being “not good enough”. Like a litany repeating in my head when things are not just right: “not good enough, not good enough, not good enough.”

This is, of course, rather contradictory of my creative process. In which I try to create an atmosphere where something grows out of something else. The best metaphor I can use is one of a plant. To successfully grow a plant there are a few things you need to do: plant the seed, ensure that it has water, sunlight and nutrition. Beyond that, you cannot always control what the plant will do. How will the branches grow? Where will the flowers boom? You can only give the plant the required tools it needs to grow, not dictate the exact pattern of growth.

Directing is kind of like that. I cannot tell every actor what to feel, how to move, what to think. I can only plant seeds of ideas in their heads and nurture it. The growth of the actor is for them alone. So there is a lot I cannot control in my production. Decisions that actor’s make on how they look, what they emphasize where they take the emotion of the scene. And I’m okay with that. Because out of that the most beautiful, poignant moments grow.

That has been my experience with Jesus Christ Superstar. So many beautiful moments have grown out of what we have rehearsed. So many pictures have been created on stage that are burned into my head. This show has grown into a story. About people and the struggles they face without knowing the long reaching results of their lives. Some of them feel insignificant. Some of them feel profound. You will be able to see that in the actors in this show. Some have to make hard decisions, like us in real life. Some of them have things thrust upon them that they have to do something with, like it or not. Some are just along for the ride and when the moment, the event, passes they quietly move on in their lives.

Above all else this show is one of my favorite genres of stories. I call it a human story. One that looks at how people live their lives. One that makes us think about how we live our lives.  I’m very happy to bring you this story. I’m very excited to share these moments with an audience.